"Are you happy? Does he treat you well?"
Those were the questions I never got to answer.
"Where is he from? What's his family name?" are the first questions I got asked.
"Does it really matter?" I should have answered. I keep forcing myself to forget how our Lebanese society is built, in vain.
Had he been a foreigner, would you have still asked? No ...But he is cursed to be Lebanese.
Cursed. I said it.
Had there been a purely Lebanese matchmaking website, you'd see added features in the form:
Parents' occupation/ Parents' education/ Region raised in/ Political affiliation/ Social standing/ Total assets/ Yearly salary/ Appartments owned + locations
Did I forget anything?
Oh yes, I did.
I forgot how I was raised to believe that a kind heart is all that matters.
I forgot that mister perfect is not enough. Forgot? Forgetting entails first knowing. Never did I think that I would need to aim higher. I should have asked for more. I, the idealist, found society to be even more demanding!
"More".
Much more than a soul mate.
I did not know there was such a thing as "more"; more than the 10 pages criteria I was looking for in a man. Apparently, priorities were set differently for society.
You see, when you are Lebanese:
It doesn't matter if he really prays, shares your beliefs and practices the same religion. All that matters is your religion to match the one on his ID. Actually, that itself is not enough. Your religion should match the ID of each and everyone of his family members.
It doesn't matter whether he worked his way from scratch and raised himself a fortune, a name, and a beautiful reputation. All that matters, is his father's name and origins.
It doesn't matter whether he is educated, or has great understanding. All that really matters is that he earned his degree, yes, even if he cheated all his way through.
Apparently, I could tear my 10 pages apart.
Here, in this part of the world, all that really matters is appearances.
come on... it cant be that bad.
ReplyDelete:) it depends how bad you think "that" is.
ReplyDeleteBeing THAT guy, my question to every Lebanese girl is:
ReplyDeletewould you step out of the box, go against the norm and fight for the man YOU want?
The answer I've gotten so far is a big fat NO. Such a shame!
@ychaker If your family has given you everything you ever needed, showed support and love, you cannot just turn your back on them for a selfish reason.
ReplyDeleteI would say, you wouldn't give up on the man you want either. It takes a lot of tact to play it right... and if you are lucky, you might just find the right balance.
I guess the way I see it is that the parents would be selfish to impose their wants and needs on their children. They have lived their own life and want to live their children's life as well. And the person in question is entitled to choose who they want to spend the rest of her life with, after the parents are long gone from this world. I don't view that as selfish behavior.
ReplyDeleteOn the same note, giving birth to kids who have never asked to be here in the first place, watch them go through the hell known as life and then dictating their life is one of the most selfish acts I can think of. And yes, they loved and supported their children through all of that, but the balance that needs to be established is with the love and support that is given back. Not the abandonment of oneself's dreams, hopes and desires. There will be a time, when the children will give support and show their love to their aging parents, through what may be some of the most difficult times a person goes through. I know from personal experience how difficult it was for my brother and I and for my parents to take care of both my grandmothers in their last few years.
On another note, love and support manifest themselves in allowing the ones we love to make their own decisions while supporting them through it. It personally bugs me to see children being captive of an excuse such as "they are my parents, I have to ..." or "they love and support me, i have to ...". Parents should not be the anchor that holds their kids back but the wings on which they fly.
That being said, I totally understand the other view and the situation people find themselves in. Which greatens my appreciation to the way my parents raised me and the great things they have afforded me with the so little they have.
At the end of the day, parents only want their children to be happy. They probably think that the relationship would not work with a background gap; which I personally highly disagree with. All it takes is 2 people to have similar understanding, values and vision.
ReplyDeleteYet, if the family "wants" to complicate things, they sure can. Give it time, I'd say they'd come around.
why don't you have a "follow by email" gadget?
ReplyDelete#notanRSSfan